Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
