If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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