dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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