I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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