It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
