So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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