I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
