I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
