It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
