Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
