It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
