the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
