we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
