Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
