I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
