In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
