just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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