Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
