dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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