I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
