But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
