i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
