Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
