I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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