my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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