My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
