This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
