eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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