wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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