alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
