Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
