last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
