i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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