dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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