i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
