im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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