So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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