Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
