Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
