I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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