ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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