laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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