Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
