It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
