Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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