He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
