Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
