is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
