She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
