you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
