I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Say something about gay babies.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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