Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Houston, we have a squirter
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
