I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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