I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
